On The 27-Year Crisis (And How I'm Getting Out of It)
The older I’ve gotten, the further away I am from who I yearn to be.
The other night, over pizza, a friend shared that she felt like she was wasting her potential. I was shocked to hear her say that but almost instantly felt the same feeling—one that I had admittedly been pushing deep down for a year or so.
It’s the common trope in your 20s—thinking you should be somewhere or something by a certain age but never ultimately finding yourself there, thus kickstarting the mental spiral as you get closer and closer to a more adult-sounding age. But even if that sentiment does ring true, and we’re all in on the joke, the more I thought about my friend's words, the more resonant I felt towards the statement. Sure, everything does happen in its own time, and yes, we’re all doing the best we can, but…there are also a ton of things I told myself I would do (and probably could’ve done) if I just, well, did them.
As the famous Britney Spears once said, there are two types of people in the world: the ones that entertain and the ones that observe. I’ve always believed myself to be the former, but I started to wonder why it’s all of a sudden felt so damn hard? The only reason I’m living in the city I’m in, have the job I have, and like the things I do is because of 16-year-old Caitlin. She was cool and knew what she wanted and how to get it. So what happened to her and the dreams she had for 27-year-old Caitlin?
Like any young adult with a chunk of free time on their hands, I got on my Zoom and went to work (fell into an internet k-hole of Reddit threads and TikToks). Amongst the hours spent trolling the internet, I was met with think piece after think piece and paragraphs from people all over the world who felt the same, but what ended up pulling me in was an article published in 2011 by Cosmo. It wasn’t entirely groundbreaking by any means, but what got me was step 1 of their ‘how-to solve the 27-year crisis’: Start dreaming again.
I’ve always been a dreamer (see my note above about 16-year-old me). But somewhere along the lines, my optimism turned to realism (which is never fun and, quite frankly, lame!), and I think that may ultimately be my culprit!!!!!!!!
Step 1 states as follows:
Many of us have been conditioned to unintentionally stamp out dreams, thanks to familiar incantations such as 'That won't work.' Get out of the trap of putting up with less than you deserve, just ask yourself 'what if?' And most importantly, start asking, 'What if I could have a brilliant and exciting life?'
I’m starting to realize that there’s another set of people in the world: the ones that are just delusional enough and the ones that aren’t.
The term delusion has only recently adopted a more positive connotation, and honestly, I’m not sure where I fall with it. But in a world where it can be extremely easy to fall into the pit of ‘that won’t work,’ especially when surrounded by others who ‘have it all’ or living in a city where career equates to identity, for the last few months of this year, I’m forcing myself to lean into the ‘what if'?’ and see how far it takes me.
This piece was originally published on the Substack: @caitsworld